Dog Treat Lyrics

Thanks, uh... You know uh, this is weird uh...
Most of us have dogs, allright? [applause]
I don't know if it's a local thing where I live, or if it's everywhere, and I'm checking it with you because uh, I don't get in the area that often and I'm just checking to see if...
There's a new kind of a dog treat. And uh (where I live) and they're available in the pet store and for the longest time I just thought that it was some kind of a prank. Or uh...
I wasn't really sure what it was, until I read the label on the back and it said "Bull Penis" [laughter]
I was a little shocked! I know you can get just about ANYTHING in this world.
You can get a whale's pancreas if you'd want one! I can get you one! [laughter]
But com'on, a bull's penis! How busy they were their whole lives.
And they throw it to a dog, like that, for a snack! [laughter]
Now, are they available here in the Los Angeles area? They are, aren't they?
Doesn't that make you a little weazy?
Makes you wanna live a long time.
And on the back, on the bottom it said: "100% natural"!

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I mean... that's the part that really got me. And it said: "A Real Meat Snack".
There's just no dignity in that. Uh, anyway...
The other thing is that they're 36 inches long! [laughter]
They're so long they had to cut them into bite-size portions.
And then they take two of them and braid them together.
I know, I know! I never want it done. But uh...
This is a song written for Gregory Peck for his dating my mom...
That's a lie!